Category: relationship

A day before the Valentine’s month ended, it is but a ponder to express our feelings.

Though life and future brings a lot of uncertainties and questions, there’s always that moment that you will cherish for something and someone to think with.

Here’s a poem of thanks I created for that somebody whom I think about and frequently missed:

 

Along Came You

(by Chic Pencil)

 

Each night ’tis your name whisper

before my eyes close to sleep,

Wishing when I woke up

thine face is beside mine,

As by surprise we found each other

and sparkle like wine,

Merry roses glistened

as we caressed the summer sheep.

 

Many wonders love brings

as we whisper flowers bloom,

But alas it is stained

by people’s greed and loom,

Four years of sleep is over

of maturity and self healing,

Stars allowed and fate abide

for purity and keeping.

 

In the merriment of circumstances

our existence perceived,

In the midst of crossroads

a chance for paths to meet,

I thank heavens for allowing

such person as you,

To come and walk in discreet

in bringing the reason to believe.

 

A big thanks for mine found

in the fast pace of life,

Along came you…

I always believed that people comes and they will always go in our lives. They always play a role and lessons to reflect with. However it is the footprints they left and will leave behind is what varies. In the constant changes in life, it is always that feeling of affection which gives us the motivation to our journey.

Here’s one of the band from home singing one of my fave songs. The music video is a bit crazy as the band is known to be the alternative cool in their songs.

 

Life is like a car traveling in roads. At night we wouldn’t see what the road looks like as the world is at dim. However we have the head light of the car which guides our way. It’s like the faith and hope that we carry and we have the love that we always cherished.  ~ Chic Pencil

And another song which didn’t fade even two decades has passed. Currently reflects me after the recovery from a rather painful relationship almost five years ago, jumping back to a relationship will need some time. I would rather enjoy the view of my current journey of life.

Til next time. Au revoir.

Few days ago a sad news came. The beloved mother of my uncle in Germany has passed away. A very sad news. I am glad that my uncle is recovering well.

Few months back there were clan members of my family passed away. My uncle, my aunt, and a cousin.

Painful, yes it is. To be left by those we love whom we know we will never get a glimpse again.

Family is the blood who mold us on who we are  and what we become. It is a knot, a bond that cannot be broken until we reached our last breath. Though there are waves inside the family which involves emotions and relationships, we were born to a family and there’s a reason for it.

Letting go is not easy. To be left behind by our loved ones will always shed a tear.

Life continues and the journey must go on.

Death is a destination that we cannot avoid.

Dust though art and to dust returnest was not spoken by the soul…      ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

We were born with nothing and we will leave with nothing. All of us are equal. The uniqueness lies on how we performed the journey. There’s always hope, there’s always faith. Last and most of all, there’s always love and it makes all the difference in us.  ~ Chic Pencil

To my dear departed love ones, you will always be remembered.

Requiescat in pace. Rest in peace.

A simple whisper of prayer. A guide. Taken at Cologne Germany, 2009.

Til next time. Au revoir.

A memorable experience worth sharing:

Have you ever experienced wishing for something to happen for that one person… that you planned and did your part only to accept the fact that it is you who failed and just accept things as they are meant to happen?

To make it short, you wanted to surprise someone only to end up that it was you who were surprised in the end?

Well… the intro is pretty confusing isn’t it?

A memorable experience…

It was July 2010 when a memorable person in my life celebrated his birthday. However, he celebrated his birthday on a foreign country thousands of miles away from his family and loved ones. He was on his vacation. Being in a foreign country during your birthday, the feeling is not the same as compared to when you’re with your family. Unfamiliar faces and unfamiliar place can give a tricky adjustment for you to lighten up your mood.

So I decided to surprise this memorable person. However, I do not know what and how to surprise him. I haven’t been to the country where he spent his birthday.

As the spirit of Worldcup was approaching, and needless to say I am a football fan/addict every period of 4 years because of FIFA, I casually asked him during our casual messages if he’s a fan of football. Surprisingly, football is a casual so-so for him. He was more of a baseball guy.

Baseball…

Just like watching baseball games when I was still in my high school years. I tried being the ‘catcher’ in the women’s softball team but I cannot handle the pressure of being in constant eye alert and the signal synchronization between me and my pitcher. So I just decided to become a player and just pass my physical education class.

So to surprise him, I checked the baseball stadiums in the country where he went for vacation. Problem is, there are a lot of things I don’t know – the places that he’s going to, the timing and his travel itinerary. The probability of knowing is very little. I was thinking twice if this surprise gift is the right thing to do. All I know is his birthdate and the country that he’s going to.

For his birthday, I wanted to greet him and give him a baseball ball. Well, I am unsure if this will be special for him. But this is the gift that I wanted to give him.

Still, I took my chances.

During his vacation, we had few occasions of interaction through messages. I was loosing my faith for the surprise gift. When his birthday is nearby, I felt that I am close to impossible. It is like throwing a ball to nowhere and hoping that somebody will throw the ball back at me.

Few days before his birthday, on one of messages, he mentioned the place of his next destination. Even with this information, I am still not sure if he will watch any baseball games. The chances is still slim.

But for whatever force there is, I searched the stadium where the baseball games are being held at his next destination. And when I knew the stadium, I still don’t know if he’s going to watch baseball game on his birthday. I was loosing hope, but still there was a push for me to continue surprising him. I don’t know why.

Unexpected things happened. I was assigned to another technology in my job. I’m assigned to handle the mobility technologies and was involved in a roadshow technology event held in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia a day after his birthday. Mobility technology is very French for me. My cup of tea is from the backend side of IT and mobility is dealing with front-end applications in mobile devices. I only have few days to train myself before the event. I still accepted the assignment.

And I completely forgotten about my surprise for him. I travelled to Kuala Lumpur Malaysia 2 days before the event in order to setup and test the mobile devices that I am going to demo. And, like the usual technology testings, I hit few issues that needed coordination from my Hong Kong counterparts.

A day before his birthday, as I was still rushing to complete my demo, I remembered my surprise birthday gift for him. Thanks to the timezone differences, I still had the chance to send out my request to Rogers Stadium. I didn’t know if he will be there during his birthday. All I felt is that I have to request something from the stadium for him. The chances would be around one in a millionth ratio but I felt of doing it.

And so I did it. I sent out a request. Only to received a reply from Rogers Stadium informing me that I missed out the deadline for requests. I cordially thanked the stadium for even reading and considering my request. I have informed them that I am located in Singapore and have never been to their country so it is impossible for me to learn the policies. Either way, I smiled in my email and still thanked them.

And so I failed. I failed in surprising him on his birthday. I sent a casual birthday message for him and the day had passed.

A day after his birthday, the event happened. Life continues. I was thinking, probably things will happen different from my wishes. And I guess I just have to accept it.

It so happened that during the event, I had a wireless internet access. I received a notification from my Blackberry mobile that he uploaded pictures. During the notification, the event attendees were having their sessions so I had the chance to open up my personal favorite websites and just blankly open up his new photo uploads.

And there it was. One picture that made my eyes widened. There was a baseball ball. I immediately viewed the photo. And I was shocked.

Somebody has actually gave him the baseball ball!!!

I really don’t mind who gave it, how it was given to him.

All I want is for him to have a baseball ball on his birthday. I felt that it would a gift worth remembering for someone who is a baseball fan.

I always want him to be happy.

Like a little girl, if I can just jump and shout for joy during the event without even looking like a crazy person, I would have done it. But I couldn’t do it because I was in my dress.

I stepped outside the conference hall of KLCC Convention Center.

Looking outside the glass windows of the KLCC Convention Center, the weather was bright. I looked up in the sky and smiled and asked:

“You really did that did YOU?”

I was talking to the BIG GUY up there.

I closed my eyes and just whispered,

“THANK YOU… YOU have always been there for me, Dad.”

Funny isn’t it? When we did everything we can in order to fulfill our wishes only to realized that it is His Will and in His time.

Things happen for reasons. Reasons I believe will be known in the right time and in the right place. It’s all about faith.

Doing the surprise was very memorable and everything including him are now part of memories.

Still walking in crossroads, I frankly don’t know where I am heading. But at this point in time, I’ll just follow God’s steps since He already laid it out for me. All I have to do is to follow.

Life is a constant journey. And every journey gives us different perspectives. We can always stop and rest for a while when we’re tired. The continuation will rely greatly rely on us. It is either we stop the journey permanently or just continue walking and enjoy the view. I choose the latter.

Til next time. Au revoir.

Today, the internet has become a commodity; majority of us cannot live without. Infocomm infrastructure has evolved tremendously during the last decade.

While the slumped economy happened since 2008 and Iceland filed the country bankruptcy, emerging markets such as India and China still survived with healthy economic stature.

Global infocomm infrastructure among countries still compete in order to provide the best framework to service their stakeholders, that is, their customers. Cloud computing is unstoppable and is strong in providing its benefit to both the B2B (Business-to-business) and B2C (Business-to-consumers) models.

The term ‘online’ these days has always been synonymous with the internet.

Singapore though the geographic area is small has always been competing and leads the Asian continent in terms of infocomm technology. It provides convenience to its residents in our day-to-day online needs. From online shopping, global news, market news, banking, location based services (GPS), and needless to say… dating.

That is, dating. The word that is nearest to our heart.

Though other countries still do not perceive online to be the place to meet that someone or ‘the date’ ; online countries such as Singapore accepts the notion of meeting someone that we bumped-in virtually.

I admire these people who are brave to meet in person those virtual casual chats.

Having been on sabbatical from the dating scene for the past 4 years and having been raised on conservative manner (not a fan of one-night stand), coming back to dating still need some getting used to.

However, dating is a part of single’s life. And that is, the reality. Sometimes we need a longer time to heal wounds and to get to know ourselves more so as to be mature enough when a new relationship comes along.

We have made mistakes in the past. And we learn from those mistakes and still continue living.

But then again, ‘love will always be like perennial as the grass.’ It grows and blossoms from unexpected places. Simple messages can lead to a bond or a friendship or to a relationship.

Though I seldom go online for social interactions, I’m happy as I’m privileged to received messages, notes, a hi-hello, and poems through online interactions.

Wie meine Seele dein Licht fand

Es wandert eine Seele einsam
durch der Dunkelheit Geäst;
Auf einer Suche ohne Ziel,
welches sich niemals greifen lässt.

Und doch: Sie wird fündig! Im Dunkel ein Schein.
Eine wärme, die nicht zu beschreiben.
Doch sieht sie vorbei, beachtet es nicht;
Blind von seinem Treiben.

Das Licht ruft die Seele, die Seele hört weg.
Sie will das Ziel nicht erkennen.
Das Licht strahlt, strahlt unglaublich hell.
Die Seele hat Angst zu verbrennen.

Und so verfehlt die Seele sein Ziel,
treibt weiter im Dunkeln umher;
Auf der Suche nach Glück ohne wissen,
wie Glück zu ergreifen wär’.

Nach Jahren des Treibens, ohne Chance auf ein Ziel
– die falschen hoffnungen leid –
vermisst die Seele das Licht so sehr.
Gefangen in Einsamkeit!

Das Licht strahlt noch heller als jemals zuvor,
von außen gleich wie von innen.
Die Seele findet den Weg zurück;
Will das Licht für sich gewinnen.

Das Ziel ist gefunden, die Angst überwunden;
Seele und Licht sind nun ein Element!
Ein Glück, das über ein Leben hält:
Das ist, was man Liebe nennt!

A special thanks to Amir for giving me this poem. March 2010. Though meeting in person didn’t happen, I’m thankful for the thoughts, the gestures, for everything.

And to you who is reading this, It is my wish that you will search the right companion – getting to know one another, falling in love. A risk of getting to know a person can sometimes lead to a lifetime. However, we have to brave in facing and accepting the weaknesses and short comings of the person we choose.

The more we’re brave, the more we love.

Ponder. This is me.

Online or virtual are being used by a lot of people for all the wrong reasons.

However, I learn that no matter how jungle it appears to be, there are still people we met online that is worth investing time.

That is, reality…

A music playlist:

http://assets.mixpod.com/swf/mp3/mff-touch.swf?myid=73796764&path=2010/12/17

Til next time. Au revoir.

Breakups are like cholesterol. They’re good for the economy. But bad for the heart. ~ Chic Pencil

There are many ways to deal with breakups. But I must say it depends on how deep the cut is.

After breaking up with my only few long-termed relationships, I was able to developed couple of steps or routines which I find to be effective. These steps did not come from any self-help material. No shrink is involved either.

• Step 1: Wallow. Just sit down on your couch and watch anything. For sure your mind is not into it anyway. You just want to forget that you are alone and the TV is a good company. Have a Ben and Jerry’s, Haagen Dazs, Baskin-Robins ice creams on your side as they are good companies as well.
• Step 2: Drink red wine. Red wines are healthier choices compared to drinks such tequila, vodka, scotch, whisky, rhum, brandy, etc. Other than that, it doesn’t give you the additional bulges on your tummy immediately. Drink with fellow lady or ladies. Otherwise, you will get yourself into trouble. Don’t play innocent here, you practically know what I mean.
• Step 3: Schedule a massage, facial, and spa. Yeah baby, your eyes are puffy because of crying. Your body is just too lethargic because you are not moving for the last of couple of days. Get a massage to reinvigorate your energy and return the body rhythm. Get a facial to reduce the puffiness of your eyes and relax your skin. Get spa to return your mood to its own original state.
• Step 4: Schedule an appointment with your personal trainer. Oh man, this is tough. But you don’t have a choice but to do it. This is to return back your body to its prior state. Your metabolism, the weight that you may have gained because of wallowing and drinking. Facing a personal trainer (PT) is always tough but you got no other option but to do it!
• Step 5: Schedule an appointment to your hairstlylist. This has always been effective to everyone. Everytime a breakup occurs, the mind always thinks of adopting a new look in order to forget the past. Works everytime.
• Step 6: Shopping – the retail therapy. Ahhh… shopping… my favorite past time to kill boredom… I didn’t know that it is also effective during breakups. But it actually is. Shopping is also relative to how painful the breakup that you want to overcome. One painful breakup led me buying my favorite Coach bag which I have been contemplating to buy for a long time.
• Step 7: Think of your Ex and be Fair. Come on, all that has happened is in the past. As what the famous line goes:

It takes two to Tango.

Life will always continue to both of you. Let go. Learn from mistakes and continue the journey.

There you go.

Breakups are good on the economy. Because you see, all the steps above involves cha-ching.

I know some of you will say ‘you can always talk to a friend to ease the pain’…

Nah.

Well, you can do that but at the end of the day, when you’re already alone in your room, your eyes will just see the four corners and you will just remember him. Whereas, when you spend, your eyes and your attention will be diverted to the beautiful things you’ve just purchased.

Superficiality will be of great-help during this occassion.

For sure you also have your own methods of handling breakups. I’m just sharing mine.

The Innocent Cry. He’s my nephew. And this was taken during his chagrin moments on my birthday celebration in Germany last September 2010.

Til next time.  Au revoir.

A typical passenger call in airports would be:

Final call to all passengers of Singapore Airlines flight SQ 116 bound to Kuala Lumpur. Please proceed to Gate … for immediate boarding.

After all the scans and checks then you’ll be inside your gate:

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Singapore Airlines flight SQ 116 to Kuala Lumpur is now ready for boarding. Inviting all passengers with infants please board the aircraft. Passengers seated at row 45 – 60 please board the aircraft. First class and business class passengers please board the aircraft at your convenience.

Once inside the aircraft and while waiting for the aircraft to take off, here’s what I normally do:

• Reading magazines or;
• Reading newspapers or;
• Finalizing my Powerpoint slides for client meetings or;
• Reading textbooks to catchup with my studies or;
• Immediately taking my nap as I didn’t have enough sleep or;
• Checking out what’s new with the airline’s shopping magazine or;
• Listening to my iPod or;
• Just simply quiet and remember the promise I made with my dad a decade ago.

The first time I have encountered the challenges of life was during my high school or secondary studies. My family had a terrible financial downturn during 1990s that they have decided to transferred my studies to our native province. I grew up in the city and relocating to my province was an adjustment. My dad had a sickness that time and my sister in Hong Kong who is our breadwinner cannot support us anymore. My mother stayed with the seventh sibling while me and my dad ventured back to our hometown province.

Libagon, our hometown is located in Southern Leyte Philippines. It belongs to the Visayas island and is overlooking the famous Limasawa island where historically known to be the center of trades of Chinese and Arabs and is also famous and notably known as the site where the First Mass in the Philippines was held due to Ferdinand Magellan’s stay in the island.

Libagon is a beautiful place. On the left side of our town are the mountain ranges and on the right side would be the sea. Since we are very near the sea, we always celebrate the famous fiesta of San Juan where everyone will go to the sea and swim.

Living in the province is fun. Life is simple. No complications, fresh air, fresh food, fruits and vegetables. Neighbors knew each other. And during 1990s, almost everything is traditional. When we go attend the Catholic mass, we still have to wear our veils and few Catholic masses were delivered in Latin. Everyday at 6PM, people still acknowledged, listen, and recites the Oracion Seis (the Six o’clock prayer). We still have to study Spanish language as part of our curriculum. We don’t have washing machines so when we need to do laundry we go to rivers and wash our clothes. We don’t have electric ovens so when we cook our dishes we have to go at foot of the mountains to look for dry woods or sometimes coal which we used for cooking.

I was very active in school both academics (Oratorical contest, Declamations contest, School plays, etc) and extra curricular activities like being a cheer leader, a majorette, volleyball, softball.

My parents especially my dad was very strict. He still implements the Spanish disciplinary ways. He wants me to become Valedictorian when I graduated as it is the only way I can step to College or University due to scholarship. Otherwise, it will be tough for me to continue my education. Everyday my dad’s curfew for me would be 4PM. Well it is kinda early because I have to clean our house vicinity of dry leaves, have to water the plants, feed the chickens, prepare and cook the rice. In order to survive the everyday expenses, my dad is doing radio and electrical repairs. Since life is simple and everything is quite cheap in the rural areas, there’s nothing much to look forward to. We don’t have television either. After dinner and after cleaning the dishes and the kitchen, my dad usually goes out and have chat with his friends while I stay at home and study. If I am late from my dad’s curfew, well, it is not a pretty scene. Words like ‘Sirvenguenza!’, ‘Cholera!’ will be heard from everywhere in the house. As young as a teen, I already know those words are equivalent to Spanish curses.

A tragedy happened to our neighboring island of Ormoc in the 1990s gave us setbacks. A big tidal wave in Ormoc city killed more than 10,000 people whose body were wiped unto the sea. Because of that, we were not able to eat anything from the sea for months. The tragedy followed by several typhoons denied us of electricity and rice fields were washed out as well. We ended up relying heavily on root crops. My stomach sometimes find it hard to digest eating sweet potato from breakfast until dinner especially when this is the food you have been eating for months. And then there were earthquakes where we cannot sit inside the classroom but rather have our lectures under the trees within the school vicinities.

Well, those are mother nature’s ways of doing which is beyond anyone’s control.

As I was fearful of my dad and also to make him happy, I did make it and become Valedictorian of my class in high school. Before my graduation, I believe my father had enough of our living condition in the province. He decided to sell a portion of our land and use the money for my medication and travel back to our place in the city. Well my dad wants to travel and sit inside an aircraft. He said it is the only means of transportation he hasn’t experience. Traveling through planes are quite simple these days but not during the 1990s. The selling of the land created few commotions in the family. Few family members disapproved my dad’s decision. They didn’t know that my dad only wants to fulfill his dream of riding on an airplane. When my dad bought our Philippine Airlines tickets, he was very happy. He doesn’t care of what’s going to happen when we reached our destination, he just wanted to enjoy that one hour aircraft ride from Tacloban Airport to Manila domestic airport. When I was sitting with my dad in the aircraft, I was puzzled with my dad’s words:

My Dad: I finally fulfilled my dream of riding an airplane.

I just smiled.

My Dad: Once I’m gone, don’t forget to take care of your mother.

Me: Dad, it is not a good joke.

My Dad: Who’s joking?

He smiled.

My Dad: After you become successful, I want you to take your mother to ride an airplane and travel outside our country. I cannot do it for her anymore.

Me: Dad, don’t say that. I have just turned 16. What makes you think I am going to be successful?

My Dad: Because I’ll make sure you will be.

The Flight. Picture taken at one of my travels from Singapore to KL. November 2010.

Less than 2 years after that incident, my father passed away of cancer at the age of 60. He died in my arms. My father didn’t witness my 18th birthday and my University graduation. Surely he is happy looking at me from above.

Next year, I will be touring my mum around Asia together with my brother, our seventh sibling. If there’s one wish I have at the moment, that is for my mother’s health to be stable and good. So that next year she will be ready for our adventure.

That moment with my dad in the aircraft was puzzling but I didn’t mind it when I was in my younger years. But when I got to understand life that’s when it all made sense.

I have a lot of reasons to say ‘Thanks!’ to the Big Guy up there. And ofcourse to my dad.

Looking at the past, I have no idea how I made it here to what I am right now. I’m living my life one day at a time. All I know and have never forgotten is to say the word ‘Thank you…’

Life’s but a journey. It has all the kind of roads. It’s all about choices and making decisions. We will always get tired and we always have the option to rest for a while and enjoy the view.

My father and I have the same birthday, that is September 1st.

My mother was born in February 14, 1933. She is forever my Valentina.

Thanks to my very good friend Geraldine Caballero for sharing this song.

Til next time. Au revoir.